


To fall for love

by I_believe_in_homer



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley has a lot of problems with God, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, M/M, POV Crowley (Good Omens), Post-Scene: Church in London 1941 (Good Omens), Protective Crowley, Scene: Church in London 1941 (Good Omens), World War I, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:38:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24650167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_believe_in_homer/pseuds/I_believe_in_homer
Summary: After receiving the commendation for the Spanish inquisition he had gotten drunk, because he already felt sick anyway. He thought it couldn't get any worse than that. And then it did.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	To fall for love

**Author's Note:**

> I was sad and i wrote this.

Crowley has lived a long life, he has seen humans rising and falling, stumbling along the way, and he has a lot of bad memories.  
After receiving the commendation for the Spanish inquisition he had gotten drunk, because he already felt sick anyway. He thought it couldn't get any worse than that. And then it did.

The first world war was also the first time he had prayed after the Fall. He asked Her why, how could this be her plan. "Ineffable", Aziraphale said, instead of cruel. The angel was always there, in the trenches, healing men and saving as many lives as he could. But he hadn't been able to stop the war, and Crowley hadn't forgiven him that. He knew it was unfair, but he couldn't help it: not when his angel kept defending Her, as though this suffering could somehow be for the better good. He had prayed then, he had asked Her why. Why would She do this, how could She be so cruel.  
Now it certainly couldn't get any worse, he thought. And then it did.

The second world war had left him deeply scarred. Him, a demon, couldn't even begin to fathom the atrocities that humans had come up with. Hell had asked him if he had been responsible for it, for the first time he had denied. Not that it mattered, many demons still thought that it was all him, and that he had been humble - not for good reasons of course, but he had quite a reputation down there and more fame only meant more enemies. Though when Aziraphale had suggested that he was affiliated with those nazis...that had hurt. He was a demon, of course, but he wasn't a monster, he wasn't some kind of...of human.

He forgot about it moments later, as Aziraphale washed his feet with oil, trying to get the burn away, with something like devotion and love in his eyes. The angel loved all things, he reminded himself, it didn't mean anything that he had been caring and kind towards him: he had healed thousands of men.  
They had stayed together for a while then, as a tender intimacy grew between them, helped by the wine. It would have been one of his happiest memories, he had almost forgotten about everything that was happening out there, but then a telegram about the war had arrived, and suddenly the heavy weight of it all came crushing down on both of them. Except this time Aziraphale wasn't defending Her when Crowley told him that Her plan was shit, that it was wrong. His angel had stared at him, even long after he had finished talking. He had parted his lips to say something, but only a strangled sound had come out. Crowley saw it in that moment, the doubt in those blue eyes, and a chill ran down his spine. He didn't think, he acted: his hands were suddenly on Aziraphale's mouth, shutting it close. "Don't even think about it Angel," he had said, "things will change for the better, have faith." 

And that's how he had found himself praying again, later that night. He couldn't sleep, he kept thinking of how unfair it was that the first time he had held Aziraphale in his arms would now always be the first time he saw him cry too.   
And for the first time since the Fall, he knelt. His feet still burned, it hurt to stand. So he knelt ad he begged, "Not him, please. Do not make him fall. His only fault would be an excess of love, for the creatures you made and then left alone. You can't punish him for caring, please, not him."  
He felt abandoned, he felt so utterly alone. She had ripped his very essence apart by denying him Her love: every fiber of his soul had been entangled with that warm affection, and She had taken it away, crushed him into pieces and put them back in the form of a snake, a monster. Aziraphale had been the first to see past that and to treat him with kindness. He wouldn't have been able to stomach it if that kindness were to be his undoing. 

He had cried then, because he didn't known that his angel was there: when he felt a hand on his shoulder he found himself at a loss of words. He just turned and stared up at Aziraphale, and saw a look of certainty in his eyes. "I won't fall for loving humanity or I would have fallen a long time ago, for loving you." He had cupped his face then, brushing away a tear with his thumb with so much tenderness that he thought he would break.

Crowley has lived a long life, he has seen humanity rising and falling, stumbling along the way. He still hates Her plan, he's still enraged. He won't forgive Her, nor heaven: he won't justify all that suffering. But he won't feel dismal again, not in that all-encompassing way. It was in a desperate time that they had finally reached for each other, when the both of them had been at their lowest point; after all that's what humans had always managed to do when things seemed irredeemable: they came together and they got up, time and time again. That night he learnt that in the darkest times hope must shine brighter, he had never been alone after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr! @ibelieveinhomer


End file.
